Hi, everyone. 

Today has been tough. 

I'm dealing with a lot of discouragement right now related to my journey. Even after a 70-pound loss and all the hard work that has gone into that, I barely look different (if at all), I am only down about a clothing size and a half, and I don't feel much different, which can be demoralizing. I know that in reality what that means is that I've been losing visceral fat-- that's the stuff that wraps around your organs, plays havoc with every system in your body, and eventually kills you-- and that's a really good thing. But it's also devastating to see the same fat face in the mirror day after day with no visible sign of improvement, to have nobody notice that your body is changing (or even a vague, "huh, you look nice lately, even if I can't put my finger on why"), to not feel like anything except the number on the scale is changing-- and even that is changing not nearly fast enough. 

And so, as a result of this-- combined with the stupid decision to go to the student center the day before Valentine's Day, a holiday I already hate (#TeamCyrilAndMethodius), and not consider the fact that every household, club, and student organization on campus was going to be down there selling cake pops, chocolate strawberries, candy, and other treats-- I ate an hour before my window and I ate several things I'm not proud of, in quantities I'm not proud of. I let the discouragement (and the holiday nonsense) get to me, and tomorrow I'll likely be paying the price by doing the walk of shame back to the 320s. 

So, yeah. It's been a bad day. I don’t know what to say today. I don’t have a neat conclusion. I don’t have a lesson to take from this. I just feel like curling up in a ball and pretending I don’t exist. But instead of doing that, I’m writing this. Because not writing today would just give me an excuse to not write on every other bad day, too, and eventually I would quit blogging altogether. And I am not going to quit. So today, I'm still writing. Thanks for still reading. 

Until next time,

Simone

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Thursday, 13 February 2025
(Thursday in the Fifth Week of Ordinary Time)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: nothing right now (DNFed Long Island)
Weight: 319.7 lbs. (145 kg)