Hi, everyone! 

Look at me, remembering to blog two days in a row! (Did I remember to weigh in this morning? Shhh, we don't talk about that.) 

The sharks have officially departed, and I am feeling much better. 

Today we had to sign up for our oral exam time slot for that Church History midterm I was telling you about. I signed up for 1:20 PM on Friday, and it's a twenty-minute exam. (If you are the praying type, I would much appreciate it.) So, I'll go to Mass at noon on campus, hike back up to the theology/philosophy building, take my exam, and then catch the 2:45 bus home. (I need to make sure I know where my bus pass is-- note to self.) Or I could just walk home, if the weather's not too bad. 

I also posted a quick note earlier today about what I'm doing for Lent (at least the fasting aspect) this year. Check that out if you haven't yet. 

Not much else to say. It's going to be an interesting week with that midterm coming up, but hopefully it will go well. Otherwise, I'm feeling good and on track. It feels good to be working toward my goals, and I like that I get to share it with you guys as well. 

Until next time,

Simone

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Monday, 24 February 2025
(Monday after Sexagesima)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: The Inmate by Freida McFadden
Weight: unknown (forgot to weigh in) 

 Hi, everyone! 

Greetings to you on the objectively most hilarious-sounding day of the liturgical year. 

Forgot to check in the last few days. Oops. Still here, still on track, moving forward. Hopefully Shark Week will end by tomorrow, too. 

At some point (not today because I'm studying for my Church History midterm, which might actually kill me) we need to talk about Lent, because several of my penances are going to involve food, which means I will be eating in a way that would not be sustainable or healthy in the long term, and also that these modifications will not have anything to do with dieting or weight loss, but rather, the mortification of the flesh for the purpose of spiritual growth and intimacy with God. I basically have what I'm doing planned out, and I'll tell you about that soon. 

(Fun fact: Easter is a moveable feast, meaning it doesn't fall on the same calendar day each year-- unlike, for example, Christmas, Epiphany, and Michaelmas, which always fall on 25 December, 6 January, and 29 September respectively. The date changes year to year. The earliest Ash Wednesday can fall is 4 February and the latest is 10 March, meaning that the earliest Easter can fall is 22 March and the latest is 25 April. Cool, right? This year in the West, Ash Wednesday will fall on 5 March and Easter will fall on 20 April, so a very late season this year. Stay tuned for "Weird Facts Simone Has Memorized for Some Demented Reason") 

Well, I need to get back to studying (blegh) so I'll talk to you tomorrow. 

Until next time,

Simone 

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Sunday, 23 February 2025
(Sexagesima Sunday)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: The Inmate by Freida McFadden
Weight: 318.8 lbs. (143.5 kg) 🦈

 Hi, everyone. 

Another day without much to say, but I'm checking in anyway. 

Shark week is upon us, so I'm definitely expecting some fluctuations in my weight. 

It's once again way past my bedtime, so I'm going to call it for tonight.

Until next time, 

Simone

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Wednesday, 19 February 2025
(Wednesday after Septuagesima)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: The Inmate by Freida McFadden
Weight: 316.5 lbs. (143.5 kg) 🦈

 Hi, everyone! 

It's already 10 PM, so today is going to be more of a check-in than a post. I don't have much to say-- today was pretty uneventful-- but it wasn't a bad day. I'm just tired. I'm also pretty emotional-- Clue App says Shark Week is imminent-- and I just want to get to bed. I'll have more to say tomorrow. 

Until next time,

Simone. 

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Tuesday, 18 February 2025
(Tuesday after Septuagesima)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: The Inmate by Freida McFadden
Weight: 317.1 lbs. (143.8 kg)

First of all, an apology: I forgot to weigh in AND blog yesterday and Saturday. Whoops.

In my defense, I was having some neurological issues. I woke up around noon and don’t remember most of the day on Saturday. I remember waking up, watching a few hours of My 600 Lb. Life (a show I’ve recently gotten into– I know; I’m late to the party), ordering Chipotle, drinking a few protein shakes, and everything else is kind of a blur. I probably went to bed pretty early. 

Yesterday I went to Mass-- and I knew it was going to be a fabulous day when the processional hymn was "To Jesus Christ Our Sovereign King," an absolute banger and easily top 3 if not top 2 hymns for me-- and got home around 2 PM, and... slept. A bunch. 

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Monday, 17 February 2025
(Monday after Septuagesima)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: The Inmate by Freida McFadden
Weight: 317.9 lbs. (144.2 kg)

 Hi, everyone!

Thanks for hanging in there with me yesterday-- it was a tough one. I'm feeling much better today. There’s no need to sugarcoat it: I had a bad day, I was discouraged, and I let it get to me. But here’s the thing—bad days don’t have to turn into bad weeks. I woke up today, stepped on the scale, and was reminded that one slip doesn’t erase all my progress. 

So what helped me reset? First, stepping back and remembering the science—you don’t gain real weight from one day of overeating, and my night-time weigh-in was meaningless. That simple fact kept me from spiraling. I also focused on taking care of myself instead of punishing myself. I took a shower, curled up in my blankets, drank my water, and reminded myself that today is a new day. And now, here I am, moving forward.

(Also, never weigh yourself at night. Night weigh-ins are fake news. That's not fat-- it's water, food, poop, and lies. Weigh yourself in the morning and then stay away from that scale until tomorrow!)

I didn’t gain six pounds overnight. I didn’t undo months of work in one moment of frustration. My body is still changing. I am still changing. And I am still in this. 

Also, I was so busy having a pity party yesterday that I forgot to mention—did you notice the new look? It took me-- no joke-- weeks to find a theme that actually works for this blog. I started searching at least two, if not three, weeks before even writing my first post. The problem? Almost everything out there is optimized for photography-heavy, magazine-style layouts rather than text. I wanted something clean, simple, and designed for actual writing—which was much harder to find than it should have been. So, when I finally stumbled upon this one, I was so excited! I think it’s such an improvement over the old look. What do you guys think?

Tonight, I went to a Galentine's Day party with a bunch of other single female grad students (most of whom I met for the first time), and we had pizza and treats (I brought chips and artichoke dip) and watched Jane Eyre. I ate more than I intended to, but it's not a big deal-- one meal or one day doesn't define the journey; showing up consistently does. It was a fun night, and it was good to make friends, which is something I have really struggled with in the year I've lived here. I really want to make more of an effort socially, even though that's hard for me. 

I also DNFed the book I was reading-- something I rarely do. The book in question (Long Island by Colm Tóibín) was the sequel to Brooklyn, a book I read over Christmas break. Brooklyn became one of my top ten, maybe even top five historical fiction books of all time. The sequel was nothing like that, though-- the main story arc made no sense based on how the characters were established in Brooklyn and the writing (which was gorgeous in the first book) felt like a chore to read, and so I ended up DNFing about a third of the way through because it was such a slog. (For those of you not familiar with Goodreads slang, "DNF" means "Did Not Finish.") So hopefully this weekend I can scroll through my Goodreads "Want to Read" shelf and find something good to start. 

I guess that's about it for tonight. I stayed out later than I thought I would (these younger grad students do not understand the #grannylife) so I'm going to bed fairly imminently. 

Until next time, 

Simone

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Friday, 14 February 2025
(The Feast of St. Cyril and St. Methodius)

Location: Ohio (home)

Reading: Nothing right now (DNFed Long Island)

Weight: 319.9 lbs. (145.1 kg)

 Hi, everyone. 

Today has been tough. 

I'm dealing with a lot of discouragement right now related to my journey. Even after a 70-pound loss and all the hard work that has gone into that, I barely look different (if at all), I am only down about a clothing size and a half, and I don't feel much different, which can be demoralizing. I know that in reality what that means is that I've been losing visceral fat-- that's the stuff that wraps around your organs, plays havoc with every system in your body, and eventually kills you-- and that's a really good thing. But it's also devastating to see the same fat face in the mirror day after day with no visible sign of improvement, to have nobody notice that your body is changing (or even a vague, "huh, you look nice lately, even if I can't put my finger on why"), to not feel like anything except the number on the scale is changing-- and even that is changing not nearly fast enough. 

And so, as a result of this-- combined with the stupid decision to go to the student center the day before Valentine's Day, a holiday I already hate (#TeamCyrilAndMethodius), and not consider the fact that every household, club, and student organization on campus was going to be down there selling cake pops, chocolate strawberries, candy, and other treats-- I ate an hour before my window and I ate several things I'm not proud of, in quantities I'm not proud of. I let the discouragement (and the holiday nonsense) get to me, and tomorrow I'll likely be paying the price by doing the walk of shame back to the 320s. 

So, yeah. It's been a bad day. I don’t know what to say today. I don’t have a neat conclusion. I don’t have a lesson to take from this. I just feel like curling up in a ball and pretending I don’t exist. But instead of doing that, I’m writing this. Because not writing today would just give me an excuse to not write on every other bad day, too, and eventually I would quit blogging altogether. And I am not going to quit. So today, I'm still writing. Thanks for still reading. 

Until next time,

Simone

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Thursday, 13 February 2025
(Thursday in the Fifth Week of Ordinary Time)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: nothing right now (DNFed Long Island)
Weight: 319.7 lbs. (145 kg)

 Today my father would have been 73 years old. (May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.) My mother is currently the age he was when he died: 69. At just 33 years old myself, I feel far too young to have one parent dead and the other in memory care. And, to be honest, it’s a pretty big kick in the pants about my own mortality. 

True, I’m adopted, so I don’t have their genes. And my struggles are different from theirs. Neither of my parents ever struggled with their weight, and I obviously do– that’s how I got in the situation I’m presently in. Likewise, I am not an alcoholic, which is what largely caused both of their current situations. But whether it’s smoking and drinking yourself to death or dying from complications related to obesity, an early, preventable death is a tragic thing. I don’t want to end up like my parents. 

People in the weight loss/general self-help world often talk about how, to stick to your goals, you have to "remember your why." And I’ll be honest: day to day, I’m very motivated by things like wanting to look great in a swimsuit, turning heads with a dramatic weight loss, and getting compliments on how much my body has changed. But days like today remind me that I’m really doing this for a much bigger purpose: I’m doing it to save my life. They don’t call it morbid obesity for nothing. If I don’t lose this weight, I could end up dying even younger than my dad did, or be permanently, preventably disabled by my weight the way my mom is by years of drinking. 

I don’t want that. I want to be in the best possible position to face menopause, middle age, and beyond with strength and grace. I want to live seventy, seventy-five, or maybe even eighty years if God chooses to give me that many. And when the inevitable bell tolls for me, I want to be living my absolute best old-lady life– not miserable, in pain, and regretting the fact that I didn’t lose weight or get healthy or change my life sooner. I see my future self as retired, going on cruises, seeing the world, having even less of a filter than I do now, maybe playing pickleball or going to aerobics classes or power walking around the retirement community with my old-lady besties, and genuinely enjoying my final chapters. That’s what I’m going for. If I have kids one day, I want to be there for them-- because losing a parent at 30 is not something I would wish on anyone, especially not my hypothetical kids-- and even if I never have children, I want to be there for me. 

And on days when imagining myself in a swimsuit at my goal weight isn’t enough to keep me from eating a whole pizza or scarfing down a pint of Haagen-Dazs, I hope imagining myself as a happy, healthy octogenarian will be enough. (Not to mention, I also plan to be a complete menace.) 

Today is also an important day because of the scale. For the first time since probably 2019 or 2020, I am in the 310s! And weighing in at 318 is especially significant because my starting weight was 388, so I am now officially 70 whole pounds down. I probably could have been there sooner, but I sort of fell off the wagon in December and January and have been fighting to lose that weight, but I’ve done it, and I am now under 320. I could not be prouder of myself, and I’m excited to keep making progress. I can’t even imagine what being in the 200s again will feel like, and at this rate, it’s probably only a few months off. 

Not much else to report. The furnace is continuing to behave itself, which is good. I am having an easier and easier time making it to 3 PM every day without eating, because I am getting back into the fasting routine (after the aforementioned six weeks or so off the wagon), and it really does get easier with time fairly quickly. Consuming plenty of protein helps a lot, as does staying busy– or, if all else fails, taking a nap to make your fasting window go by faster. Are any of you intermittent fasters, too? If so, what’s your secret for pushing through your fast to get to that window? 

I hope you’re all having a good day, and that you’re crushing your goals, too.

Until next time,

Simone 

What a weird day. 

[Editor's note: So weird, apparently, that I wrote this whole post and forgot to actually post it yesterday! Oops! This was written Tuesday evening, but I am publishing it on Wednesday morning.] 

This semester, Tuesday and Thursday are usually my longer school days, with one class from 11-12:30 and the other from 12:30-2, and then I catch the city bus on campus around 3 to get me about 2/3 of the way home and then walk the last few blocks. That extra hour on campus waiting for the bus is handy for reading, schoolwork, or taking a little walk, and then by the time I get home, my 3-7 eating window has started, so I can go ahead and have something to eat. It's not a bad setup. 

But that is not what happened yesterday. I had a home repair issue that I had called about getting looked at, and we all understood (I thought) that they would come by around 4 PM or so. Well, inexplicably and without warning, they showed up just before 10:30 AM. So instead of going to school yesterday, I was stuck at home dealing with this. Luckily, when I emailed my professors, they were both very nice about it, being well-acquainted themselves with home repair issues, and both wished me well in the endeavor. It is now (allegedly) fixed, and I am happy to report that there are no longer any sounds coming from my basement which resemble the horde of Genghis Khan riding over a tin roof. 

Tomorrow will be what would have been my dad's seventy-third birthday, which I'm sure I will be feeling some kind of way about. In some ways it feels like he died a decade or more ago, but then sometimes I am amazed that the real number is three-and-a-half years because it feels like it's only been a year. Death and grief are odd things, as I am learning as time goes by. 

On a more cheerful note, I am still drinking (and liking) the chocolate protein shakes, although I just had one today since drinking two yesterday seemed to mess with my digestion. (Nothing a dose of Pepto couldn't fix, but still.) Still, 26 grams of protein in a little bottle with only 4g of sugar is excellent, and I'm grateful to have discovered it. Do any of you have a go-to protein shake or drink that you swear by? I'd love to know. 

Tuesday, 11 February 2025
(Tuesday in the Fifth Week of Ordinary Time)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: Long Island by Colm Tóibín
Weight: 320.0 lbs. (145.1 kg)

 Hi everyone! 

Well, folks, today I actually remembered to weigh in! Yay me. (Cue the Jeb Bush "please clap" meme.) 

And I've also discovered a new protein shake that I actually like, which is rare. It does have a little bit of an aftertaste to it, but it's not that noticeable, and the taste of the drink itself is pretty good. I think at some point I'm going to try blending it with some plain Greek yogurt and maybe a banana to see if I can do something about the aftertaste, but for now, it tastes just fine. It also doesn't have a ton of sugar or carbs (5g and 8g respectively) or calories (170).

Monday, 10 February 2025
(Monday in the Fifth Week of Ordinary Time)
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: Long Island by Colm Tóibín
Weight: 320.0 lbs. (145.1 kg)

Hi all,

Just a quick check-in today. I forgot to weigh myself this morning (which happens from time to time) which is a bit embarrassing, but I'll do it tomorrow. It was a good, on-plan day otherwise. 

Until next time, 

Simone

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Sunday, 9 February 2025
The Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: Long Island by Colm Tóibín
Weight: unknown (forgot to weigh in)

So, confession: I have been putting off writing my first post because there's a part of me that feels like that first "Hello World" post needs to be special in some way-- like it should contain a manifesto about what this blog aims to accomplish, or some long, detailed saga of how I got to be this size in the first place, or, I don't know, something profound. But I don't particularly want to do any of that. And I don't want to write a long self-intro, either, as I intend to be largely anonymous. So, I don't know quite what to say. 

What I do know is that I want to blog my weight loss, both for accountability and to keep a record of the journey that I can look back on. I also like to think it might help others-- not so much by way of advice, as I'm not qualified to give that, but perhaps simply to show it can be done. I probably should have started blogging about a year ago, when I started losing weight, but what is it they say about trees? Something like, "The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, and the second-best time is right now?" In any case, the second-best time to start this blog is right now, and I'm finally doing it. 

Be sure to check the bio in the sidebar for some basic info on me like my height, age goals, and some of the things that make my particular journey unique. I think I explained things pretty well there. I'll tell you more (about me, about my weight loss, about whatever you'd like to know) in future posts. I just needed to write this first one and get it out of the way before I lost my nerve again.

Until next time,

Simone

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Saturday, 8 February 2025
Saturday in the Fourth Week of Ordinary Time
Location: Ohio (home)
Reading: Long Island by Colm Tóibín
Weight: 322.6 lb. (146.3 kg)